Category Archives: Rejuvenation

Do not give room for despair

I’m sorry: Little But Powerful Words

Plus: we might be moving to a new website soon insha’Allah

by Bashir Oyetunji

I still remember how a more than 20-year relationship would have been tainted had I not humbled myself and utter the words, I’m sorry. AlhamduliAllah! It was an event that occurred between my sister and me, you can imagine. I was oblivious of the fact that she was helping me get a commodity which I sent her while she didn’t want to tell me the ardor she was going through to get it. I said some not-too-healthy words and . . . I had to retract them afterward.

I’m sorry is what I will call the little devil. These words appear simple and easy to pronounce, but, to be honest, they are actually hard to utter.

I’m sorry are words powerful than we can imagine. They can save or kill, revive or ruin, unite or disunite, and bring about war or stop it.

You wonder how I’m sorry can cause a whole nation to go to war? Yes, imagine a costly mistake made by a tribe to another tribe or made by the head of a nation. When such a mistake is complemented by I’m sorry, a seeming war might be averted. But when, and that’s what happens most times, such a mistake is complemented by a pompous feeling and subsequently a refusal to say I’m sorry, imagine what could result thereby.

Excuse Me, I'M Sorry, Stamp, Font

The power of I’m sorry

I’m sorry is one little and funny sentence. As abstract as it is, it can go deep down into the heart of an individual and soothe it.

This simple sentence is what some married couples are bereft of and which is tearing them apart. Most partners would not admit their mistakes, so I’m sorry will be hard for either of the party to say.

The power behind this sentence is that it usually makes the one saying it to be the one at fault and this simple fact is what people don’t want to admit and what makes people decline the saying of this sentence.

I’m sorry is not easy to say. Even when people say it out of merely wanting to settle things (without them being at fault), it would be devoid of life and, sometimes, it could even be withdrawn.

If elders had not been pompous to say I’m sorry, then most feud would have been averted. If younger ones (imagine that too) have not been pompous to say the words, then the world would have been a better place.

I’m sorry makes you lower yourself in humbleness. And to do that, my dear, it takes real forbearance.

Sorry Heart Excuse Me Wood Red I Beg Your

Characteristics of I’m sorry

As simple as it is to say these words or even to fake it, they don’t come out of the sheer opening and closing of the mouth.

These words are gigantic and, in fact, I use to think to decide if the person I want to say them to deserve them. These words have some attributes which would make then insignificant if they are not present. Here are the attributes.

  1. Fully accepting your wrong

It’s not just about the words coming out but it’s about knowing that the recipient deserves it. Perhaps, that’s why it’s hard for people to say them most times.

  1. Saying them sincerely because you regret your actions

When you say I’m sorry because you really regret your action, I bet those words will be weighty to the recipient and will have the needed effects they should have in the mind of the recipient.

  1. Saying them because you really want a settlement

This is where I’m sorry can come even when you don’t really offend the recipient but just want a settlement. In this scenario, you will really have to mean the words for the purpose of mending your relationship. Most times when this happens, you’ll most likely have the chance to get back your I’m sorry from the person you’ve said it to at a later time in the future. However, you have to really mean it and say it for the purpose of friendship and importantly, you must know that you won’t misbehave in retaliation to the recipient.

Final words

I’m sorry can heal, dear reader. They are powerful words and, sincerely, I’ve seen them work. It has worked for me in my relationship with friends and families. So, fight that why-will-I-apologize urge and just say I’m sorry. Please do. Let’s make the world better. Let’s keep a healthy relationship.

 

P.S. I’m sorry I couldn’t post last Friday. This post is intended to replace Friday’s missed post. Actually, I got this offer from my beautiful brother to open a better website where we can post articles in a better way, have a better view, and get more advanced. That would be different from the WordPress hosted site we’re currently using. I pray that happens. You’ll surely know, insha’Allah, when it does. I thought the website would be ready early but it happened that it didn’t. So, assist me with your individual prayers. So, erm . . . sorry!

Advertisements

Do You Want to Grow Without Challenges?

by Bashir Oyetunji

Of course, yes, you want to grow without challenges. I do, too. Don’t we all want to grow and live without some . . . challenges? Nobody wants to grow up while been faced with challenges like losing loved ones, failing, meeting a dead end, disappointment, regrets, and oh, what have you.

But I’m sorry, some of these things do happen. And it is unlikely to scrape through life without experiencing at least one out of those mentioned challenges or one outside those mentioned challenges in life. It is sad to say this but, chum, it happens. If only we can avoid it, how nice would it have been, but challenges would always happen. So, what is to those challenges?

adventure-1807524__340

I want you to relax, first. Truly, it’s not a joke being faced with what you’re experiencing as a challenge right now. And, in fact, it looks like your challenge is novel. Whichever way, it will take a great effort to live through those challenging times.

The irony of the matter, however, is that you will grow through your challenges. Look a bit at this analysis.

When you fail in some things, isn’t it likely that you will prepare even better for that thing when you want to do it again?

The preparation you do for a task that you’ve once failed will give you more knowledge on that task and you will be a master in it. When people who haven’t experienced the ardor you’ve experienced in the task see you as an expert in it, what would you be doing? You would likely be smiling to yourself telling yourself, “What do these ones know? Do they know what I’ve gone through to achieve this feat?” That’s just one way challenges ace you.


Telling a story after passing through some hard times in your life is unlike telling it while you achieved that thing on a silver platter. Of course, you wouldn’t be preparing for challenges in your task; however, those challenges will come to you when you don’t prepare for it and when you are able to persevere and come out of those challenges, you would then have a mouth full of stories.

At the time you begin to tell your story to people, you would feel like a star that has just fallen from the sky but, alas, what you’ve experienced and labored through was much more than the inspiration those people are deriving from your story. It was hell!

On the other hand, when people who have achieved your feat listen to you speak, they would even feel an admiration for you. They would think that you’ve really tried and they might view themselves as small in your side. That is what challenging experiences bring although we don’t want them.


When they happen

Yes, challenges are experiences we don’t want and shouldn’t wish or pray for. In fact, they are experiences we should feel sad for when they happen. But whenever they happen, we should brace up in regards to them and not relent or feel depressed as a result of them.

You should get prepared to weather the storm of challenges when they happen. You should utilize some of the strategies highlighted in our previous posts here in your challenges.

Don’t give up. Don’t commit what’s not. Just know that those challenges are “one of those things” and be prepared to even work harder to achieve your goals.

Don’t give up buddy, just work on and on and you will feel good about those challenges in the end. See you at the top!

Be Happy Always

by Bashir Oyetunji

You wonder if you’ll ever become happy considering your problems and crises. You wonder if happiness is just like a star in the sky that you would only see but unable to grasp. “It is so hard for me to get back on track and feel happy again,” you thought.

Yes, it is not easy. You’ve gone through hell. You’ve seen enough, and you think you’d rather remain sad and gloomy than feel happy about anything. However, I’d advise you to think twice. Just as you’re thinking you’d always feel sad, I want you to consider happiness again. Why? That’s because it is full of ingredients that would nourish your life, bring you up, and revive you.

The price of sadness is costlier than that of happiness. Happiness will repair your body while sadness will damage it. Happiness will help your worldly and spiritual lives while sadness will damage them.

Stop in your tracks and look back with a smiling face then continue your journey with a face full of smiles and a joy full of joy.

bha1

Reasons why you should be happy

Okay, let’s face it. You think you have no reason to become happy. But if you stop to think about it, you’d realize there are reasons why you should be happy. Would you consider the following?

  • You’ll be active to work

One important reason why you must be happy is the fact that you will be able to work well and consequently move on in life. When you are sad, your heart, mind, and body would just not be good to carry out important tasks. In such cases when you miss important tasks, that could cause a lot of negativities in your life.

I can still relate this feeling to a time when I was sad. At that time, important writings that I should’ve done were halted. I didn’t realize until Allah made me carry myself up. Afterward, I realized what I’ve missed and what I’d have gained had I been writing for that period of sadness.

Sadness is just there to eat up your active charisma. It’ll leave you dormant and unable to work or to work well. On the other hand, happiness will gear you to work and what fantastic thing to do in order to keep your life going.

  • You’ll drive away suspicion from people

One thing I hate to happen is when people ask, “Oh brother, what’s wrong with you.” This tells my mind that, “oh something has struck you, guy. Wake up.” When you wear a sad look, it makes people ask about what is wrong with you and this could be nauseating sometimes.

Sometimes, you might not even want to tell your challenges to people, but when you are being asked what’s wrong with you then you’d be pushed to either say what’s bothering you or to tell a lie which is bad.

  • You’ll influence people around you

Even when you are not a motivational speaker, the contagious nature of happiness will tend to radiate to the people around you and you will find yourself influencing the people around you through your affable nature.

If you are to think of it, you will notice as was earlier said that you will be active when happy. This happiness will influence you to work, assist people, tend to those who need you, etc. So, when you do this, it is natural that people around you will be happy. Not to talk of when this happiness even influences you to do extra work of going further to tend to people’s issues. This will make you contribute your sweet quota to bring smiles from people’s face and this is what you should live for.

  • You’ll not leave a chance for Shaytan (devil)

Sadness is not only a way of draining your happiness but it is also an opening for Shaytan. The accursed Shaytan will tend to use this chance to insinuate bad things into your mind. He might insinuate suicide into you. He might insinuate other egregious things into you. He might tell you to just do those bad things since this life is just worthless and nonsensical anyway and that you don’t have any reason to still remain your good self.

However, you have Allah to hope in and you have a brighter future ahead of you. But Shaytan will want to talk you down suggesting all kinds of evils. This is one kind of evil associated with sadness. It is one thing worth getting happy.

Additionally, Shaytan will suggest to you to overthink things and makes you think you can’t get help. Buy nay. That situation is not unsolvable. So fight your mind to be happy and leave no space for Shaytan.

  • You won’t hurt yourself

Overthinking and sadness have physiological and psychological effects on you. On one side, you are making yourself prone to high blood pressure and the likes. On another angle, you are punishing your heart and keeping yourself away from beneficial work. In fact, you are also prone to spiritual effects with sadness. Spiritually, your faith will be touched and that would result in thinking suicide and other bad things.

Happiness will improve you all round. It will help you physiologically, psychologically, and spiritually. You’ll be free and active, beaming with pride and joy. So why not embrace happiness in contrast to sadness.

bha2

Why you must be happy

  • Know that the world is transitory

You should realize whenever that feeling of sadness and despondency come that this life is only for some fleeting time. Whether we all like it or not, this life will end. So why make yourself sad over what is ephemeral?

The world is so funny that one time passes while another comes. Barely can you remember what went on when you were very young. You would realize that some bad events might have happened to you at some past times but at the present time, those events are barely remembered.

You can relate some examples. Some national events have occurred and at their time of occurrence, everybody would be all talking about it. However, after some passing times, those events would die down and you would barely hear people talk about them again.

That’s how most hard times are. The challenge you’re facing would pass bi idhniAllah and you would open a new beautiful page. But don’t spoil the new page with being sad. Sometimes when you are looking for a job some people will ask, “What have you been doing? What are your experiences?” If you spoil your present time with sadness and you fail to get up to work, you would later blame yourself because you won’t be able to present anything at such a time.

Moreover, the world itself is just for a brief period. It will definitely end one day. So, why not do the primary assignment we’re assigned in the world and be happy.

  • Happiness is better for you

Weighing happiness and sadness, then you would realize that the price of sadness is expensive than the price of happiness. So, why wouldn’t you choose the cheap one? Happiness is good for your body, mind, and soul. You would be able to work well and relate well with people when you are happy. You would be able to influence people and think well. Sadness, on the other hand, will leave you in despair and dejection. So wouldn’t you rather be happy?

  • You’ll become thankful to Allah

One thing you’d appreciate with happiness is the fact that you’ll not be ungrateful to Allah for His blessings on you. When you are happy, you will be able to think straight, look at those below you, and give thanks to Allah.

Sadness will make you hate your life. You will always be looking at those above you and barely say AlhamduliAllah for the blessings you have.

Happiness will, after making you thankful, make you beg Allah for even more while sadness will make you reject the blessings Allah has bestowed on you. Your ultimate blessing is Islam and you might not recognize this when you are overcome with sadness, may Allah forgive us all. So, be happy always and be thankful for the little but big blessings you have.

bha3

How you can be happy

You would realize now that you need to really stay happy. So, how can you be happy all the time even when your heart bore sadness? Below, you will read some nice tips to stay happy all the time insha’Allah. I hope you’d utilize these tips and be your happy self.

  • Never let sadness be written on your face

When you give yourself the mandate to never allow people see sadness in your face or, more importantly, to never give your heart a breathing space for sadness, then you will make it a point of duty for yourself to always be happy.

The point here is, whenever you’re feeling sad in any way, you must quickly disdain it and replace it with happiness in any good means possible. When you feel a speck of sadness, make it your point of duty to wipe it off fast.

  • Pray a lot

This prayer includes all acceptable forms of obligatory and recommended prayers and supplications. Your important antidote to happiness is just to believe in Allah in your affairs and rely solely on Him for your betterment. Pray that Allah make you happy all the time. Do supplications that are recommended at specific times such as in the morning and evening, before and after taking off your clothes, before and after using the toilet, before going out and when coming in, etc. There are just many you can do. Do naafil prayers (recommended prayers) such as solat duha, naafil before and after obligatory prayers, sunnatu-l-wuduh, etc.

Immerse yourself in payers and supplication in night and day and always make Allah your recourse whenever you feel weighed down by a sad feeling.

  • Ensure you don’t build any estranged relationship

A good ingredient for your happiness is to ensure you don’t have any malice with anybody. Free your mind and this will help you too. Say or text “I’m sorry” to people who deserve it. In fact, reach out to the people who, perhaps, are the ones who have offended you. Just make amends with everyone you know and never allow to be in between you and another person any malice or ill-feeling. This will free your mind in contrast to the ransom that malice will hold your mind in.

  • Listen to the Qur’an together with its translation

You should listen to the Qur’an all the time as this is a sure soothe to your mind. More so, you should even run fast back to the Qur’an at times of sadness. This will so soothe your mind miraculously and systematically. To enjoy this soothing blessing, you should even listen alongside the translation. Here, you will get Qur’an together with its English translation insha’Allah https://thequranreciters.com/

  • Do dhikr (remembrance of Allah) a lot

There are lots of dhikrs that have been revealed in the Qur’an and Hadith that you can always do. SubhaanaAllahi wabihamdihi subhaanaAllahi-l-‘adheem is one. SubhaanaAllahi walhamduliAllahi walaailaaha illallahu waAllahu Akbar walaahaola walaa quwwata illa biAllah is another. And there are just many others. Do these often to ward off sadness from your heart. You should even move fast to doing them whenever you feel you are about to be overcome with sadness.

Moreover, there are specific prescriptions at some specific times that are in the sunnah (Prophet Muhammad’s – peace and blessings of Allah be upon him – traditions). There are prescriptions for when you are in distress, feeling anxiety and sorrow, when affairs are becoming difficult, when afflicted by a calamity, etc. You can get this in the popular book Hisnul Muslim (the citadel of the believer). You can download the book using a web search or you can also download it on App Stores on mobiles.

  • Train your mind

One way to fight sadness and embrace happiness is to get your mind accustomed to happiness instead of sadness. Never ever allow sadness into it. Make it a habit. Whenever sadness is coming, just fight it back and embrace happiness instead. With this, you’d have trained your mind and over the time, sadness will be going away even at extreme times bi idhniAllah. Also, use all other points mentioned to get your mind trained.

  • Be with God-fearing and lively people

Another way to get over sadness is to be with people who fear Allah and who will not add to your sorrow. You can share your thoughts with them or just be around them sharing good things and playing out with them. You can participate in collective community or mosque works where you’ll be around good people. This will diffuse your thoughts and make you feel happy.

  • Share what’s disturbing you

When you feel sad, then you can share your thoughts with someone you love. Be cautious with this as it is better to have your thoughts to yourself than share it with an untrusted person. So, know who you share your thoughts with and when you are assured of the kind of person, then share your mind as this will ease your mind.

  • Embrace istikhaara

A way to ward off sadness is to always do istikhaara at times when you need to make a decision. This will ease your mind in regards to any decision you are willing to take. You will feel confident and feel at ease at heart when you seek Allah’s guidance in your decisions. So, whether you want to travel, buy something, go on an event, marry, etc., just seek Allah’s guidance and you’ll surely be guided insha’Allah.

  • Don’t listen to criticisms

You need not listen to criticisms about you. This may dampen you and lead you to feel sad. Of course, you need to be better, but most criticisms are just there to make you feel worse at heart. They are founded to harm you. This does not mean you should close your ears to good suggestions, corrections, or advice, but you should try to identify these from bad criticisms as the later can leave you feeling unhappy.

  • Don’t be disturbed by your brother’s achievements

Whenever you see any good thing from your brother or anybody, you should rejoice and even pray for them. Feeling sad over your brother’s achievement in respect to your woes will only affect you negatively. Consequently, you will be sinning to Allah.

When you see a new thing from your brother, say maa shaa Allah and pray for them. Never try to think about the fact that you are not having that thing. Train yourself as regards this as it is what Allah wants and it is what your heart will find peace in.

  • Trivialize the world

No matter what you are or you’ve achieved, just know that the world is still ephemeral and that everything will end. So, take things easy. Be calm, gentle, and happy. Never overthink things and give your heart a rest. May Allah grant you succor.

bha4

Conclusion

You must be happy. You must not allow a speck of sadness in your heart. Happiness is good for you while sadness is just not good for you. So, try, pray, and strive to be happy all the time. Utilize the tips mentioned here and make it a point of duty for yourself to be happy always. You would be happy bi idhniAllah, won’t you? May Allah bring happiness into your heart. Stay happy always!

​When All Hope Seems Lost

by Bashir Oyetunji

Are you in a state of despair? You think your existence is useless, and that all headway is blocked? You think nothing is working right, and that you don’t care what happens.

You seem unable to control yourself, and your mind tells you to commit evil, or worse still, suicide.

Relax a bit! Wouldn’t you rather use that state to your advantage? That is, instead of committing evil, you should rather do beneficial things (by utilizing the following).

  • Get Fiercer to Break Out

When you think that all hope is lost and that you’ve got nothing to lose, then your thoughts would be wild. You would feel like doing just anything. So why not use that feeling to break out of your comfort zone or dormant state. Then move into the world of creativity; the world of unimaginable invention.

Here, don’t move into a state of breaking the bank. No! Rather, let that “I don’t care state” pull you not to care to use all that remains on you to invest, or even to buy yourself a cup of tea in order to keep journeying. Let that down state get you harder into doing your good heart wishes.

 

 

Directory, Signposts, Hope, Hopelessness

Image from pixabay.com

 

  • Get Armed

You’re already armed with your current state; you’re armed against fear. Your heart feels like nothing can happen that will pain you. Try then to utilize the strength to travel away in search of happiness. Don’t use that arm to take lives; instead, use it to kill the procrastination and block in you.

  • Utilize the Gusto

The gusto is your having nothing to lose. So when you believe that, why would you not apply for whatever job you’ve been afraid or shy to apply for. Sell what you’ve been procrastinating to, as a result of shyness, sell. Talk to the love of your heart that you’ve been shying away from talking to. Explore the halal knowledge you’ve been yearning for. Go out and learn more about Allah and His religion. You have nothing else to lose; so, try, rather than commit evil.

The no-go Area

You must neither kill yourself nor commit illegalities. These two things have absolutely no good for you. It may lead to your destruction in this life and in the hereafter, most especially when you don’t have the chance to repent before you die.

Always have it in mind that the world is a microcosm. Worry less about it, but worry more about where you’re going. Try as much as you can to it well and transit well. Pray to Allah always.

Go forth and enjoy your life in the light of Allah’s obedience.